i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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