I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
