at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
