nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
