It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
