These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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