And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
