There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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