playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize