I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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