you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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