the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Can you bring me the toilet please
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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