Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
