i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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