Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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