I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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