Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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