I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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