is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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