I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
