Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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