Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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