I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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