Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
