Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
