She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I think my nap took me to another dimension
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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