carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
