Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Did I show you my penis last night?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
