oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She announced her abortion via fbk
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
