Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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