So drunk its hurt
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
