Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
