Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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