i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
