im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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