Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
