you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
