I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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