When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
