Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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