Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
