i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
