I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
