I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
