took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
