the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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