He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
