I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
