We won't sleep together?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
