Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
