Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
