I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
