I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
