Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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