You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
