I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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