My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
