Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
