M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
