Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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