either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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