i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
