i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
