My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
