Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
