i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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