Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
