i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
