She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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