You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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