I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
