just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
