The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
