Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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