I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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