you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
