you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
