There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
