I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
