She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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