why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
