I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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