I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
