i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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