Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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