That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
